Conordjpc.com » movies

The Incredible Hulk

Conor — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:02:41 +0000

So Here we go with another movie interpretation of a comic, and like most of the others this one was done before, and just like those others they kicked the old ones ass. As you may guess I really enjoyed this movie.

I have to admit right now that i was not a fan of the last one. It just didnt sit right with me. Every moment i spent thinking about it the more little niddling problems started to irritate me. Now dont ask me what they were now cause it has been a long time since I saw the movie and i have no intention of digging it up again, also This is a review of the new movie, not the last one.

This movie’s first move in the right direction was is refusal to accept the existance of the last. Scrapping the story and rewriting it. That said it doesn’t go about trying to re-introduse the characters all over again. This is a mojor bonus for me. I always hate the first movie in a series cause it feels like the stories are tacked on to the introductions. So this makes the second movie that comes to mind that does this. The other being resident Evil so draw your own opininons about whether that is a good or bad thing. Its all about personal preference.

After this refreshingly quick start the action gets going and rarely lets up. There is a simple and effective formula running through the whole movie of introduce where the action will happen and then have an action scene. Wash rinse repeart through the movie. All that really changes are the locations of the fights and what the hulk is fighting, how can you loose?

On the side of casting everyone put in a solid performance. Personally i though Liv Tyler was the worst there but she did a great job so no complaints. Edward Norton played an excellent Bruce Banner. I loved Eric Bana in the last film but Edward Norton fitted the character far better for me. He seemed much more normal. He wasn’t scrawney but he wasn’t as big as Eric Bana in the 2003 movie and so in my eyes was more believable. Tim Roth played his character perfectly, that is as much as you can say really. You didnt see the actor, just the character.

Of course, no movie is withoutits flaws and this movie did have one or two. One which really got to me, and this is the second recent movie to do this, was a 24 hour chase scene. Now if there was a chase which did last 24 hours then that wouldnt be so bad. This chase however should have unfolded over the space of 2 – 3 hours at the very most and to be perfectly it should be in real time. These chase scenes however tend to start at night and then continue on through the day with the characters never stopping until they come to a climax at night again. The transformers movie was the other one with the same thing so next time you watch it keep your eyes open and the same goes here. I cant really go into any more detail without giving away part of the story. Its not very crucial but its always better going to see a film without any notion of what is going to happen.

So there you go. Another great movie from Marvel this summer and one i reccomend going to see. The earlier the better and definately one to see in the cinema.

Rated 4/5 on Jun 13 2008

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Review: Meet the Spartans

taidy — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 07:25:22 +0000

Right…..Worst Day Ever. Ok i went to see this film there last week. Before we went in it had a posting on the front saying that the film contained Two credits, the first was 1 hour and 40 min, and the second was about 10 min or so. From this witty poster (slaped up with blue tack on an A4 sheet) i gathered that the film itself was going to be poo……yet i still entered!

Basically this films takes the piss out of every blockbuster film that was released last summer……SO ITS ALREADY OUT OF FUCKING DATE! The story line is loosly based on 300, although instead of 300 spartans they have….mmm lets say 7….no joke, just 7 clowns standing around.

So the film plods along with this 300 style story line. And if you can imagine the story line of 300 in Essay form, then at every full stop, “Meet the spartans” Decide to throw in an ol gag just for the laugh……they’re not funny, in fact they make you cry a lille. I do believe they are meant to be funny or witty, but they are not, they are shit. Not only are they not funny but they go on way too long, mar shampla: 300, Leonides kicks in 3 dudes into the hole, Meet The Spartans, he kicks in like i duno….. a million people, some i didnt even know cause it was some sort of american boring ass reality Tv references (Conor you would hate this film, imagine you watching reality Tv, and then it crawls its way into a movie your watching). I can see what it was trying to do….banish all the shit from last year to Spartas pitt of doom ( i think thats what they called it) but to be honest they should have all just jumped in after them. Fuck me that was a shit scene!

Right so the movie rambles on through all these gay ass senarios much like the last, with shit jokes, every fucking breath. Unfortunitly for those of you wanting a climactic finish to the end of this tale you are going to have to go out spend the 9 yo yo’s to see it. Then you can tell me the ending cause i didnt see it, as you may have guessed i walked out! I have to say i have never walked out of a film in my life, but this was shit. I did die a lille inside as my record of staying to the end of all fims was now blemished, but lucky for me as stated on the front door this film was a set of two credits…..so i only walked out during the first, so my clean sheet is still clean……FUCK YOU MEET THE SPARTANS, YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ME, BUT YOU SHOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT, YOU BIG PIECE OF ROTTEN EGG YOKE ON A DOLUP OF MARMITE. I left some time round after they meet that clown Xerxis, played by Borats boyfriend…worst actor ever, although he did look fairly mank so it was kinda funny. I must comment on his dismount from the fucking chariot that his gypo fuck slaves carried. It was fucking terrible, it was trying to be slapstick, it was not, its too hard to explain so you’ll just have to see it for yourself…….dont go see it its not worth it. They should have shown his big ass fall flat on his face from the side in slow mo 300 style…..that would have been funny, not just show his face on the ground, lettin you imagine the fall….thats shit!!!

Anyway, i think we were debating leaving a hell of a long time before that, but we took ages. There was one momment however that kept us from leaving, in retrospect it wasnt worth it. Your mans wife….queen i duno eh “Only spartan Women give birth to Real Men” one was gettin some massage so it was relativly arrousing, for about point 5 of a second.

We all left it soon after, and cursed walshy for gettin the tickets (thats right walshy were going to blame you), although honestly it was all our fault, if eric drove as the crow flies we could have made it in time for Drill bit Taylor….and i suppose i have blood on my hands too. If i hadnt stopped for a brief 15 min dance on some park bench we would have made it for a more varried and fruitful selection. If only i kept dancing for another hour we wouldnt have fuckin seen the cinema let alone that boiled scrotum of a fim.

To cheer ourselves up after such a dissimle display of putride rat shit in movie form we decided to comfort feed ourselves with K.c’s….it helped, only a lille, so then we got chocolate, we felt happy after that.

It was one crap film, compared only to a papercut on your eye, and whats worse is…….i want to know how it ended, the seed of curiosity is still sewn in my head, so if anyone wants to donate 9 euro, a kashmire burger, and a snikers bar then ill go see it again.

Appologies for the speeling, grammer and what not, my use of the written english is, how shall we say, ehh….meet the spartans!

10000 bc reveiw

ian — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:44:32 +0000

Im going to try my best to review this movie without swearing and calling it a steaming pile of monkey shit, and review it with an open mind so here it goes.

The film starts off on a mountain top with a band of gypos living in tents and chasing CG woolly mammoths. The rules of this band are that the first pikey to kill a CG mammoth wins a shitty spear thats looks about as deadly as a turd in a jar. The shitty spear makes this gypo the leader of the merry band of gypos. So anyway one of the pikeys kill a CG mammoth by accident and wins the turd in a jar and all his other pikey buddies hug him in a, way too merry for it to be straight, fashion. Then some arabs show up, kill some of the gypos and kipnap the rest. Luckily though our leader of gypos goes to save them. Whats follows is a shit adventure movie through horrible cg landscapes and all English speaking African tribes help our reluctant travelling mongoose.

Now that Ive described the amazing plot lets talk about the actors. There is nobody overly famous in this accept that guy who played the Islamic fundamentalist in True Lies. Other than him the acting is appaling especially out of our super gypsie. The main baddy has this really annoying fake joke voice that makes him sound like hes spent all his life deep throating cocks. There the only two characters you give a toss about so i wont bother talking about anyone else.

Special effects are like something from six years ago, i.e Shit. All the aninmals look like something out of Nintendos Animal Crossing and the land scapes are awful.

Ok thats it im sick of talking about this turd, so ill sum it up in a few words. Watch Apocalypto instaed and then don’t ever watch 10000 bc. Bad times.

I’ll Give one wibbly wobbly egg out of 5.

Ian Fenny